I Know I Hurt You
by olivesnooks
Summary: After learning that Cadu has re-proposed and bought Clara a new ring, Marina becomes upset and and hurt, and Clara has to try and find her in time to explain everything, before she loses her forever. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_This idea came to me whilst I was doing my rewatch, so I felt like I needed to explore it. Basically I wanted to see what would happen if after Clara reveals she accepted Cadu's reproposal, Marina gets angry at her and Clara feels guilty. I have kept everything that happened up to this point in the novela as canon, but obviously from this point onwards I will be rewriting how things go._

* * *

'By the way, did you show her the ring?', Cadu asked, abrasively pulling Clara up from her seat and wrapping his arms around her possessively. He looked like a child who didn't want to share his toy, and wanted to make that quite clear to Marina and everyone else in the room.

'I haven't had the opportunity yet. He gave me this, beautiful isn't it?', Clara replied. She looked visibly uncomfortable, but she did her best to force a smile on her face. The last thing she needed was to upset Cadu, especially on this night, the opening of the Galpão. Things had been so tense with them recently, but with his heart still under Dr. Silvia's watchful observation, Clara had made the conscious decision to do everything in her power to placate him. But still, she could no longer deny to herself what she felt for Marina. She hadn't said the word out loud yet, she didn't even know if she could yet… but it was there and try as hard as she might to run from it, it was not going away.

Usually when Clara looked at Marina, her pulse began to quicken and a smile would subconsciously spread to her lips, but not this time. When she looked into Marina's eyes as she said those words, _beautiful, isn't it_, all she felt was guilt. Still seated next to Vanessa in their booth, Marina looked small and defeated. More than that, she looked hurt. She didn't say anything, that was not her style, but the pain was etched across her face, and Clara knew it was her fault. She longed more than anything to break free from Cadu's grip and go to her, to hold her and make that pain go away. But this was Cadu's night and Clara knew she could not… she knew she would have to stand and watch, knowing she was the reason for Marina's sadness, her pain.

Clara felt a million miles away. She knew the conversation had continued after she had said stopped speaking, but she hadn't followed it. Instead, she'd stood, paralysed by her guilt. But it was Marina's voice that snapped her back to reality. Marina's beautiful voice.

'Congratulations. You have good taste.'

Her voice didn't sound any different, it was the same voice she had first heard all those months ago when they first met at Marina's exhibition. But somehow Clara knew everything had changed… she heard the forcedness behind the fake-ness, and she knew. She knew that despite the slight smile Marina had managed to spread across her face and the words escaping her lips, Clara had crossed a line that she didn't know if she could ever uncross. She'd unintentionally hurt her, maybe to the point of no return.

* * *

Marina felt like the room was closing in on her, and she needed to get out. Once Cadu had finished rubbing the ring on Clara's finger in Marina's face, a way of showing he had won the competition for her heart, she stealthily slipped out from the booth and walked away, without looking back at Clara. She couldn't look at her right now. She needed to find a place to be alone; to scream, to cry, to let out all the emotions that were currently filling her body. She felt a sadness spread through her body as she walked on autopilot. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going until she found herself in front of Laerte's deserted office. He was out in the main Galpão area, celebrating its opening with the other guests; Marina knew she could hide out in here for a while.

She turned the handle; pleased the office was not locked and let herself inside. Without bothering to switch on the lights, Marina sunk against the wall, hugged her knees up to her chest and began to sob. It was a deep sobbing, that stemmed from the pit of her stomach. The tears streamed down her cheeks, leaving a burning trail of sadness behind them.

She found herself pathetic. This wasn't her. She didn't cry over a girl. But Clara wasn't just a 'girl', she knew that. Clara was _different_. The second their eyes met across the room at her exhibition, Marina knew this girl was not going to be like the others. This girl, woman, was the end of the line. She no longer had to search. Marina couldn't describe it; it was like their souls had connected… like she had found her other half. She had heard the expression "love at first sight", but she had never truly believed it until she met Clara.

But right now, sitting alone in Laerte's dark office, Marina didn't feel any of that. All she felt was betrayed. Betrayed as she thought back to the time they danced alone in the studio to 'The Way You Look Tonight', or when Clara showed up at the studio after a fight with Cadu, to bring her flowers and to see whether Marina would still open her doors to her. That night, Clara had confirmed that she knew there was something different about their relationship and that she liked it, and they had almost kissed. The joy that washed over Marina in that moment was now matched by the sadness she felt in this one. Clara had given Marina hope, hope that one day they could live all that they felt. But tonight, seeing that ring on Clara's hand, all of Marina's hopes had come crashing down around her.

Whilst she had to admit Clara did not look comfortable during Cadu's little show-and-tell, she didn't care. Clara had accepted the ring; that was all Marina needed to know. She had once told Vanessa that she didn't mind losing Clara to Cadu, as long as Clara was happy, but she now knew that wasn't true. She needed Clara, and she loved Clara and she thought Clara loved her back. Learning that she was wrong felt like the hardest lesson she'd ever have to learn.

* * *

'Marina, Marina', came a gentle whisper as a hand shook Marina awake.

She must have cried herself to sleep, as when she opened her eyes she was still on the floor of Laerte's office, but now she was face to face with Clara's beautiful brown eyes.

The office was bright, Clara had turned the lights on when she noticed Marina's small figure curled in the corner. She had spent every moment of the last 40 minutes since she was able to break away from Cadu, looking for Marina. She desperately needed to find her, to try and explain everything. To make things better… to fix everything.

As Marina opened her eyes, Clara saw how blood shod they were, and she knew she had been crying. She had been on the verge of tears herself, and seeing this almost tipped her to breaking point. But she bit her lip, Clara knew she couldn't make this about her. Instead, she looked deeply into Marina's eyes before reaching for her hand.

'Hi.' She said, shyly. 'I've been looking everywhere for –'

But Clara was cut short by Marina abruptly pulling her hand from her grasp.

'Don't', Marina warned. 'Please don't. I can't…', tears welling in her eyes again, threatening to spill and cascade down her cheeks.

As Marina made to get up from the floor, Clara felt the knot in her stomach tighten. She watched as Marina shakily got to her feet, the tears free falling down her face now. She knew she had to stop her. This was her only chance, if Clara let her walk away now she would lose her forever.

'Wait', Clara whispered, grabbing for Marina's hand as she began to walk away. '_Please._ I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. Please, please let me explain'.

The tears she had tried to hold back were now flowing down Clara's cheeks as Marina stopped and turned to look at her.


	2. Chapter 2

'Okay', Marina whispered, her body now facing Clara.

As angry and hurt as she was, there was something inside her that just wouldn't let her walk away from Clara, who sat knelt on the floor pleading with her to stay.

'Okay?', Clara spoke back, her eyes widening slightly, a combination of joy and fear. She wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but she was grateful Marina was even giving her chance.

'Please,' Clara spoke softly, 'please come back here and sit down.'

She beckoned her over, and hesitantly Marina complied. When she was settled back on the floor, Clara looked into her eyes and spoke again.

'I'm so sorry, Marina. There will never be words enough to convey to you how completely sorry I am for how tonight turned out. It was my fault. I should have…' Her voice trailed off momentarily as she gathered her thoughts on what to say next.

'I should have told you sooner, so it wasn't such a shock to you. But I didn't know _how_… I was putting it off. Truth be told I've been avoiding dealing with the entire thing, because I don't think I want –' Clara stopped herself short of finishing that sentence. She shook her head, almost as an indication of her change of tangent.

'I hurt you, Marina. I know I hurt you. I saw the pain on your face; I still see it on your face. And I hate myself for being the cause of it. I've said it once before, and I meant it. I am certain about very few things in this life, but one of the things I am most certain of is this: tears do not suit you. And knowing that I was the reason for your tears tonight kills me. It feels like a dagger to my stomach. You truly deserve all the beauty this life can offer, Marina, because you are…' Clara paused, trying to think of the perfect word to encapsulate Marina, but one word wasn't enough.

'You are the most wonderfully kind, caring, patient… beautiful person I have ever met. You truly are one of a kind. And I am so unbelievably sorry… I'm sorry.'

Clara tentatively reached for Marina's hand, uncertain if she would pull away again. But this time she didn't, this time Marina allowed Clara to interlace their fingers. The warmth of Clara's hand in her own _almost_ made her forget everything. Clara's small hand in hers made her feel better, and safe. But she still needed to know.

'Are you going to re-marry him?' Marina's voice was soft as she spoke, choking back tears that once again threatened to fall. 'I thought… I thought… that you loved me back.' As Marina spoke the words, she lowered her head in defeat, making her small frame look even smaller.

Hearing Marina say that word, _love, _out loud made Clara's heart almost leap out of her chest. They seldom broached this topic, but it could no longer be avoided.

Silence hung in the air. Clara squeezed Marina's hand before taking a deep breath and opening her mouth.

'Marina…' she said, 'this is hard for me… it's so new and foreign. I'm married, to a man… I have a child with him, I…'

'Please Clara, please don't make it about them. In this moment, right now, this is about us. About how you feel, don't hide behind them.'

'But Marina, you have to understand, my whole life has always revolved around them. That's what makes this so hard, because…' She took a deep breath before raising her free hand to caress Marina's cheek.

'… because I can't deny what I feel for you is more than friendship. I look at you and I can't help but smile. Being around you feels like I'm home, even if I'm in some strange location, if you're there, I feel safe. I've never felt this way about anyone, not even Cadu, and that scares me so much, because I don't understand it. Why did I never feel this for the man that I married, but I feel it for you? Why do I feel like I've known you my whole life, when in reality we met less than 6 months ago? Why do I feel… I don't know, complete when I'm around you?

'I've never been attracted to other women, but I find myself day dreaming about you all the time. You're beautiful, Marina, so unbelievably, breathtakingly beautiful. And all of these feelings, they scare me so much. Because I _am_ married, and Cadu is a good man and an excellent father… but what it boils down to is he is _not you_. And as much as I love him, and I _do_ love him, honestly and truly, he… he can't compete with you.' Clara looked deeply into Marina's eyes, tears welling in her own.

'With how much… how much I love you.'

As soon as those words had left Clara's mouth an instant wave of both relief and terror washed over her. She had finally said the words which had been causing her so much distress out loud, but now they had been uttered there was no going back. Clara knew that… one way or the other, everything had changed tonight. Her life couldn't go back to the way it was, not now.

* * *

The entire time Clara had been speaking, Marina's heart was racing in her chest. She could feel Clara's hand in her own and her piercing brown eyes upon her and she knew the next few minutes would be some of the most important of her life. Marina knew they going to change everything, and she was terrified of what Clara would say.

"_With how much… how much I love you."_

Marina watched Clara's lips as she formed those words, but she still couldn't fully believe they had come out of her mouth. But instantly, and instinctively, a smile spread to her lips… spread across her whole face. Clara loved her.

Gently Marina reached up and took Clara's hand that was still on her cheek and brought it down to rest in her lap with their other intertwined hands.

'You love me?' Marina asked, needing reassurance that she hadn't just dreamed Clara's admittance.

'I do,' Clara replied shyly, 'more than I've ever loved anything in my whole life.'

'I love you, too. Very much.'

A subconscious smile spread to Clara's cheeks, before her brain started clicking into overdrive, attempting to process the progress of the last few minutes.

'Marina, I'm scared. This is a world completely unfamiliar to me. I'm married, Cadu's heart is bad and then there's Ivan… and… and what if you get sick of me? What if this was all the chase and once you've won me, you don't want me anymore? I'm not sure I could survive that…'

'Remember when we were flying to Angra and I told you I had been searching for you in all the women I met? I meant that with every fibre of my being. I've searched for you my whole life, and when I met you I knew my search was over. You are the woman I love, you are the woman I'll always love, you're the woman I'll love until my dying breath. And I don't have any choice in that matter, that's just one of the facts of life. You are inevitable to me; we were destined to meet and fall in love, I believe that.'

With every word out of Marina's mouth, Clara felt sure she was one step closer to her heart giving out on her. She was terrified of all that was to come and all she would have to face, but in right in this moment, all she needed was to be close to Marina, to feel her body on hers. And before Marina could finish another sentence, Clara's soft lips were kissing hers, effectively silencing her.


End file.
